


Onwards and Upwards

by bitsnbobs



Series: I'll help you carry on [3]
Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Mentions Aaron's childhood, Spoilers, Support, mental health, mentions self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 23:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11611059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsnbobs/pseuds/bitsnbobs
Summary: Adam follows Aaron because he is concerned. He soon finds out he has no need to be; Aaron is taking control.





	Onwards and Upwards

“This is not what I was expecting!” Adam loudly announced his presence. Unfortunately, that distracted both Aaron and Zak from their actions,

“Ah!” Aaron exclaimed, reaching up with a hand to protect his eye, dropping the pads he was holding.

Zak, however, realised his mistake and immediately backed off, “Oh, I’m sorry, son. This idiot made me jump.” He gestured towards Adam, who was walking towards them with a mixture of amusement and concern. 

“Here, let me have a look,” Adam said, batting his friend’s hand away from his face. 

Aaron flinched away from him. “What are you even doing here?” he gritted out, annoyed by the fact that he’d clearly been followed.

“Oh don’t be like that, mate,” Adam threw his hands up, “I was worried about you.” He laughed and pointed at Zak, who was shaking off his boxing gloves, “Looks like I had reason as well.”

“Eh?” Zak protested, “That was you that. Making me jump.”

Adam smirked, but looking back at Aaron, he frowned. His friend had sloped off to sit on a bale of hay, hand still dabbing at his already bruising eye and a thoroughly unimpressed look on his face.

Zak glanced between the two younger lads and then nodded at Adam. “I’ll give you two a minute, shall I?” he said, already moving to the barn door.

“Thanks Zak,” Adam called after him, slowly walking over to sit beside Aaron. He didn’t say anything though. He just waited. 

“My counsellor thought it could help,” Aaron stated, after a few minutes, “I called Uncle Zak and he agreed to teach me properly.”

“By hitting you?” Adam snorted and he was pleased to see a smile tug at Aaron’s lips. 

“Well, yeah, like he said,” Aaron pointed to his swollen eye, “This was you.”

Adam shook his head amused, but then patted his friend on the knee, “You could have told me, mate. I was-"

“Worried,” Aaron sighed, “Yeah, I know. Everyone’s worried.” Adam looked like he was about to cut in so Aaron continued quickly, “And before you say it, I know everyone has reason to be but I just- I just- I didn’t want to be that guy again.”

“Oh mate,” Adam’s eyes turned soft and he shifted closer to nudge Aaron’s shoulder, “We just love you.”

“Yeah,” Aaron nodded, he eyes starting to brim with tears, “Yeah.”

“Hey,” Adam enveloped him in a hug and ran a hand down his back, “I’m here, bro, alright? I’m here.”

Aaron pulled back and roughly wiped at his face. He tilted his head towards the boxing equipment in the middle of the room, “I’m really hoping this will help, you know? I really want it to.”

“Boxing?” Adam questioned, “Didn’t you try that before?”

“If you call 'putting up a punch bag' boxing then yeah,” Aaron mumbled, “I want to do it right this time.” Adam didn’t miss the way Aaron almost seemed to get smaller as he said his next words, “I need to learn some control.”

Adam got it then. He bit his lip, “This is because of Robert, isn’t it?”

Aaron gave the tiniest of nods, fresh tears appearing in his eyes. “I’m not safe,” he whispered. 

“Oh, Aaron,” Adam squeezed his shoulder, “You weren’t in a good place, mate. You were angry-"

“That’s not an excuse,” Aaron spat out, sitting up abruptly, “It’s not- I don’t,” he growled as he struggled to get his words out, “I can’t keep lashing out, Adam. I can’t. And it’s not just Robert is it? It’s Kasim. It’s Jackson. It’s Paddy! I don’t know how anyone wants to be around me? I don’t even want to be around me.”

The last words made Adam’s heart break and he had to look away from his friend momentarily in order to keep it together. When he looked back, he rested a hand on the back of Aaron’s neck and lent in close, “Aaron, I wish you could see how amazing you are.”

“Pfft,” Aaron scoffed, “Don’t be daft.”

“Hey now,” Adam said with a mock insulted tone, “Are you suggesting that I would just pick anyone to be my best mate?” Aaron tilted his head to look at Adam properly and Adam smiled, “That I would pick just anyone to be my brother?”

The side of Aaron’s mouth twitched and Adam considered that a victory. He pulled Aaron close again but his friend groaned, 

“My eye actually really hurts,” Aaron admitted, letting out a small laugh. 

Adam checked it over for him, “Yeah, that is going to be a right shiner.”

“Great,” Aaron rolled his eyes and then winced, “Ow.”

“Can I help?” Adam asked tentatively, clarifying when Aaron frowned, “With the boxing?”

Aaron narrowed his eyes, “You want to?”

“Why?” Adam laughed, “You don’t think I could take you on, Dingle, eh?”

“This isn’t about fighting, Adam,” Aaron stated seriously and with a hint of annoyance. 

Adam sighed, “Yeah, ok.” He nodded and nudged Aaron’s shoulder, “But still, can I help?”

Aaron considered him for a second and then smiled, “Yeah. Uncle Zak is great but he’s doing my head in. He keeps talking about ‘back in the day’.”

“And punching you in the face,” Adam added. 

“That was your fault,” Aaron accused again, but Adam didn’t care because some of the light was returning to his friend’s eyes. 

“Well, if you weren’t running off having secret ‘business meetings’ then I wouldn’t have to sneak in on you, would I?” Adam chuckled, but he could have kicked himself as Aaron’s face darkened once more. 

“I haven’t been hurting myself, Adam,” he mumbled, shifting as though embarrassed, “That’s what you thought, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Adam admitted, seeing no point in lying. 

Aaron didn’t say anything. He just stared out in to space. Adam waited again. It was longer this time. 

“When I was seven,” Aaron started, lost in memory, “I remember going to library at school and looking up fossils. I didn’t even need to. I just wanted to. I liked fossils. I liked dinosaurs.” He paused to swipe at his eyes, “I don’t know what happened to that kid, Adam? I don’t know.”

“Oh mate,” Adam whispered, tears forming in his own eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Aaron sniffed, “No. I know I’m not the only person, ok? I know that everyone looks back and wonders what if things had been different? What if they’d done this or that or that hadn’t happened, but… I was eight. Eight. I’ll never know how much he changed me, but- but- I do know that for seventeen years, I’ve never had a day where it’s not been in here,” Aaron tapped the side of his head, “It’s never quiet, Adam. It’s never quiet.”

“Come here,” Adam did the only thing he could do and pulled his friend in for another hug. He hated that it wasn’t enough. That it would never be enough. Moments like this were a harsh reminder that there was no fixing what Aaron went through. It hurt. 

“I told my counsellor, I think that’s why I am angry,” Aaron confessed when they broke apart, “Why there is always this- this thing bubbling under the surface.” He snorted darkly, “Of course it doesn’t help when your husband gets a woman pregnant while you’re in prison.”

“I could kill him for that,” Adam stated.

“Hypocrite,” Aaron sniffed, looking at him pointedly. Adam pulled a face and Aaron couldn’t help but laugh, “I’m glad I’ve got you, mate.”

“Yeah,” Adam eyes lit up, but then he turned serious, “We’ll get you through this, alright?”

“I want to get better,” Aaron nodded with a determination, “I want to be better.”

“I think you are already a pretty great version of who you are,” Adam said, making Aaron immediately huff out a laugh, “What?”

“That was proper cheesy,” Aaron told him. 

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Yeah, it was,” Aaron snorted, “And I’m sorry, but you missed your chance.”

“Oi” Adam laughed, punching him in the shoulder. He was about to fire back another joke, but Aaron was twitching, “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, he bit his lip, “Just- I can’t do it now, but I do- I need some space but-”

“Robert,” Adam cut in, knowingly. 

“Is that stupid?” Aaron glanced down at the floor, but a hand on his arm made him look back up again. 

“Let’s just get you well first, yeah?” Adam suggested, “Concentrate on one thing at a time?”

Aaron considered that and then nodded, “Yeah.”

Adam smiled back before slapping his leg and standing, “Right, lad, I’m not being funny, but if you don’t get some ice or something on that eye then no bloke will be looking at you twice.”

“Urgh,” Aaron groaned, “Is it that bad?”

“Come on,” Adam said, holding out his hand to help his mate up, “Let’s go.”

Aaron took his mate’s hand and they left the barn, both boys smiling when they found Zak slouched over asleep, cap over his face, just outside the door. 

…


End file.
